Well here we are ready for our 3rd round of chemo and kabaam!! Transportation problems and financial setbacks. Seems that the large amount of money set aside for the chemo went for emergency repairs to the vehicle. I called my vet and explained that hopefully we can postpone the chemo for a week and hoped that it would not mess up the sequence of the chemo too much. I know my onc vet really likes to stay on schedule but life is just life and sometimes there is not alot a person can do about it. Patou is about the same with mobility issues but other than that, he acts as normal as he always has. I had a neighbor come to my house today to tell me that her pyrenees had pups and wanted to know if I was interested in a Pyr pup. She knows about Patou’s journey with his cancer, and she just wanted to help and also wanted her pups to go to someone who also loves the breed as she knows there is no one around here that loves the breed as much as I do.  I thanked her for thinking of me, but explained that I really have alot on my plate at the moment and that one day I hope to have another male Pyr, but the timing now is just not right. I could not justify having a new pup when alot of my time and energy and money is going to Patou. He is my focus at this point. We did however go to see the sheep the other day. He could tell I was all ready to go in my pink rubber boots, and barn coat as he knows by what I wear and how I act where I will be heading out. Patou was SO anxious to get to the truck that he went running, ‘in his own way, like someone said, like an octopus flailing on drugs’ out to the truck and while I was trying to get his step ready for the step up into the truck he attempted to jump up by him self while I awkwardly grabbed for what I could of his help him up harness and barely got him in the truck without doing any damage to his good leg. At least I hope we didn’t. He did prove to me however that he still has the will and want to go and see his lambs and sheep. He did not get out of the truck for fear that he really would injure himself getting back into the truck! Time seems to be clicking away slowly and I either don’t want to speed it up or just want to know how long I really do have with him. I am learning the dog way though and it seems on a day by day basis. I am learning slowly but shirley!!.

Hey all…. well, 2nd round of chemo done!! Whew…. one exhausted owner and one exhausted dog!! The Good… well, my Onc vet said Patou did great. The girls at the clinic loved him as he is working his Patou magic on them all and they said he just wagged his tail any time anyone looked at him during his chemo. The Bad…. well, the buckling and dragging is still going on even after a great day yesterday where he just hopped up and used his leg like there was never a problem but by the end of the day the leg just pooped out. BUT …. after having a heart to heart with the vet and being given the speech of where do you want this to go if he can’t be very mobile and the quality of his life and are we saving the dog for a poor quality.. yadaa, yadaa, yadaa. So I wanted the vet to examine the leg for swelling or knots or ACL problems etc. SO after the chemo… the vet’s tune changed and all of  a sudden it was “well… the leg is still weak and still being strengthened due to all the strain and weight on that one back leg and suggesting some light physical therapy and that’s probably all it is ” The gait of the dog will change after the amp and the dog AND the leg has to adapt to all of that.”I had told my vet about all the experiences of people here on this site and that it was not too uncommon for this to occur, and mostly with time the leg strengthens and the dog “gets their groove back!!” Ok… now the Ugly.. Well… there is no ugly!! there are no ugly dogs and I had to finish the phrase and movie title, “the good the bad and the ugly”.. well… actually the weather was really crappy here in Indiana today, rain and fog,  so it WAS ugly!!!

Patou is home all snug and alseep for the afternoon, I am sure of that. Just wish my harness had come in as it would have been REALLY handy for all of that today. I do have to sit here and ask myself, do they teach a ‘glass half full or half empty’ in Vet School? Why are the vets so pessimistic sometimes.I’m sure they see all sorts of outcomes and not being in a big inner city and having access to the big Oncology Vet clinics perhaps there is just not that chance to see or hear really good success stories. Perhaps there is alot to be concerned about with this leg, but I still stick to my guns that while there is life and fight in this dog, I will give TIME to heal the benefit of the doubt. I have become a very patient nurse in my years in medicine and there are ALWAYS miracles in the medical field. I have seen them and heard of them first hand.  And believe me if a patient tells you that he/she thinks she is dying…. you had better believe them and move VERY quickly!Don’t get me wrong, I love this Onc vet and he is very experienced and very compassionate with his work and animals and I am glad that I found him. He actually ended his visit by letting me see his recent family photo of his family with their Pyrenees that looks like Patou’s identical twin!! I know that having Patou, his first Pyr cancer patient, that the thought of  ‘this could have been my own dog’ has played through his mind. It would mine if I were in his shoes. This guy is sincere and honest and I know that it was his honesty coming out while he was discussing quality of life with me, not pessimism. I’m sure vets have seen their patients suffer unduly due to people not wanting to let go. I would never want Patou to suffer unduly or cruelly.  I can imagine that when the time comes, Patou will give me one last ‘nose nudge’ and tell me to let him go, this I can believe. And I believe, that while I have the strength that this is my turn to ‘watch over him’ and the role of guardian has been switched, with my pleasure. I wish I had the poem that the late Jimmy Stewart wrote about his dog, that I believe was a black Labrador if I am not mistaken. I will have to try to find it, as I was greatly moved by the poem and this was long before the advances in animal medicine and animal health maintenance, and the value of animals to society and humanity. If I remember, it was a poem of Love and Gratitude toward his faithful companion……  warmest thoughts,

Janet and Patou

Found it!! The Jimmy Stewart Poem~ not as poetic as I remembered but a nice poem:

            “Beau”

He never came to me when I would call
Unless I had a tennis ball,
Or he felt like it,
But mostly he didn’t come at all.

When he was young
He never learned to heel
Or sit or stay,
He did things his way.

Discipline was not his bag
But when you were with him things sure didn’t drag.
He’d dig up a rosebush just to spite me,
And when I’d grab him, he’d turn and bite me.

He bit lots of folks from day to day,
The delivery boy was his favorite prey.
The gas man wouldn’t read our meter,
He said we owned a real man-eater.

He set the house on fire
But the story’s long to tell.
Suffice it to say that he survived
And the house survived as well.

On the evening walks, and Gloria took him,
He was always first out the door.
The Old One and I brought up the rear
Because our bones were sore.

We would charge up the street with Mom hanging on,
What a beautiful pair they were!
And it if was still light and the tourists were out,
They created a bit of a stir.

But every once in awhile, he would stop in his tracks
And with a frown on his face look around.
It was just to make sure that the Old One was there
And would follow him where he was bound.

We are early-to-bedders at our house —
I guess I’m the first to retire.
And as I’d leave the room he’d look at me
And get up from his place by the fire.

He knew where the tennis balls were upstairs
And I’d give him one for awhile.
He would push it under the bed with his nose
And I’d fish it out with a smile.

And before very long
He’d tire of the ball
And be asleep in his corner
In no time at all.

And there were nights when I’d feel him
Climb upon our bed
And lie between us,
And I’d pat his head.

And there were nights when I’d feel this stare
And I’d wake up and he’d be sitting there
And I’d reach out my hand and stroke his hair.
And sometimes I’d feel him sigh
and I think I know the reason why.

He would wake up at night
And he would have this fear
Of the dark, of life, of lots of things,
And he’d be glad to have me near.

And now he’s dead.
And there are nights when I think I feel him
Climb upon our bed and lie between us,
And I pat his head.

And there are nights when I think
I feel that stare
And I reach out my hand to stroke his hair,
But he’s not there.

Oh, how I wish that wasn’t so,
I’ll always love a dog named Beau.

    Jimmy Stewart     1908-7/2/97

Well, I never ever thought that we would be celebrating Patou’s 6th Birthday while in recovery from post amputation from bone cancer!! BUT… I am just glad that he is still here with me. I count everyday as a blessing whether it be challenging or not. I have to give a big THANK YOU out there to all the tripawd parents who have posted on my posts or blog as this whole process has been a scary and one full of obstacles. I could NOT have done this without the support of all of you. There have been many times where I thought and I KNOW for a fact that my vet and techs have thought that it’s just better and more humane to just put down my good companion, but as long as he still has fight left in him …. so do I!!! Of course the money might run out long before the fight !!!

    We have been dealing with a weak or injured L  back rear and only remaining back leg. It really kills me to watch him buckle that leg and try to drag himself halfheartedly through the door or trying to go out for a pee. I have ordered a Blue Dog harness like the one Fortis had and am anxiously awaiting it’s arrival here so that I can better aid Patou in his mobility. We have our second chemo tuesday and I am not sure how I am going to even get him there. We have an hour drive there and back.  Patou and I will both be exhausted before we get back home, I am sure of that. Patou just seems to want to sit/lay by my bed for the whole day. I try to get him out at least 3-4 times a day while I am home and of course he is out most of the days I am at work. His eyes are still bright and he still barks and seems interested in all that is around him. He just can’t get himself from point A to point B without help. I hope that like alot of you have posted that this is a minor setback or injury and that with time things will get better. I did read a couple of posts and now I can’t remember the dog’s name but it was a piece of cartilage that slipped in the back and left the animal pretty much paralized for the remainder of their fight with cancer. I hope and pray that it is not something like that. I just hope the harness gets here soon and that it helps with the mobility issue. We will see with time if we need to invest in a wheelchair. I don’t like the idea of one and I am sure that Patou will not either, but if it means more freedom with his mobility than I would consider anything. I feel as if Patou sitting by my bed all day is not getting him depressed. That is why I think it’s better he lay on his carpet on the front porch and can get the fresh air and see what is going on around him. He can still tease the neigbor border collie from his perch on his carpet!! I can hear him growling in his sleep again which is something that he just started after the amuptation. He does not normally growl at anything unless provoked by some curious little lab pup that wants to torment him to no end. I suppose it’s some sort of game of submission on the labrador’s part. It’s just shear aggravation on Patou’s end. I want to give a special thanks to Fortis’ dad Brett. On my dilemma with the harness and the decreased mobility issue, I was fortunate enough to have had a conversation with Brett all the way from Texas!! It was so nice to just sit and talk about our big breed dogs and their personalities and that big dog gentleness that seems to exude from the big dog breed. I am glad that Pattie and Brett are doing better and how nice to hear all the Fortis stories. Forits is one of my new heroes!!! What a big sweetie!!!  It also makes me feel not so alone in my special companionship that I share with my dog. I realize now that there are many people who share that special experience with the dogs in their lives, and usually there is that one special dog that lives in all of our hearts. It’s those special dogs that make us better people, better parents, spouses, workers, and better humanitarians. I was never ready to watch that movie, ‘Marley and Me’, because everyone that ever watched it told me to have a box of tissues handy,  but now I think I have the strength and power to do so. I realize that the book and movie was just a wonderful tribute to someone’s very special fur kid.  How wonderful that that dog inspired a book AND a movie. I think that all of our own ‘fur kids’ could inspire  their own inspirational stories.

  Happy 6th Birthday to my wonderful fur friend and companion Patou, and hope that we can celebrate your 7th together!!!!  Thank you for always being there for me… now it’s my turn.!!!!!!

Your mom,

Janet

It was a sad day today on the blog. I popped on the blog to keep up with everyone and was just starting to get into the other blogs and trying to learn all the other bloggers and dogs and pawparents on the forums, and much to my dismay I discovered the sad news about Fortis. I had JUST read pretty much his whole blog the previous evening. Brett and Pattie are SO bonded to that handsome fella, and I really enjoyed and had a few good laughs with some of the blogs too. It makes me SO sad to hear of his passing. I could feel the love that Brett and Pattie have for Fortis. Such a strong unbreakable bond. I left the house this morning feeling guilty because I tried to get Patou to move into the back sheep lot where the water in the 50 gallon tank was not frozen due to the tank heater, but he fell trying to get to the back door on the slick kitchen linoleum. (I have rugs down for him but he still slipped)  I felt SO bad and was worried that he may have strained his only back leg. I begrudgingly put him out front on the front porch hoping that the water in the heated dog dish (that does not work) would not totally freeze today, and worried that he did not do any serious damage to his back leg. I noticed that the sun was out today so that helps. I just can’t seem to shake the guilt. I’m not sure what I should be guilty about, but perhaps it’s one of the ways that I can deal with things. After the news and sharing in the sadness with Brett and Pattie, it makes you turn inward and wonder about your own dilemma. I know my brain tells me to deal with things and be grateful for the time you DO have left with your special friend but my heart aches because you know your time is limited. Everytime I leave for a whole day, it means one less day that I get to spend with my friend. Winter is a hard time, (especially on three legs!!) to spend time outside. I can’t count the times that myself and Patou have headed over to the sheep pasture to check on our sheep. I would wander up the hills watching and checking with my shepherd’s crook in hand thinking of how many ancient Shepherd’s have done the same thing. It takes you back to really Biblical times and you can see why David, the soft-hearted Shepherd boy wrote such beautiful Psalms. All the while Patou is never far away watching my every move. (mostly because he didnt want me to leave without him!) And I know from the breed history that these dogs or others native to the region, were there also with David. They kept those Shepherd’s and their flocks safe and sound and also provided the companionship that those lonely Shepherd’s desparately needed. It’s nice to trudge around in the deep snow amongst the sheep, but spring is the time when everything come to life, literally! Patou has always loved the coming of the babies.. no matter what kind. I caught a few videos last spring on my cell phone, and it’s amazing even from those small short videos, the peace that is so evident out there on the hillside with those mamma sheep and their long tailed, baaing babies. Patou and I can be out there for hours with them and just watch.  I’m going to take a better camera along this spring for videos when the babies come. My babies will be early this year, as I have already had one mid-December. (the fricking coldest day of the month no less!!!) I could barely cope with it as I had just found out about my Patou’s diagnosis only less than a week before. That day it seemed a large part of my world came crashing down around me. Somehow I could not summon the thrill of finding out that I had a new lamb, not with thinking that I would not have Patou to help me through this new lambing season. Patou is always there for the lambing season. He’s at my side, when I am trying to catch the little buggers for their shots, and tail banding. He is right there if I have a ewe that won’t accept a twin for whatever reason. It’s amazing how those little lambs just walk right up to Patou and touch noses with him. He is so careful not to make any sudden moves. He lets the lambs approach him and does not threaten them in any way. He’s had his close calls with my Ram Cosmo  when he avoided some head butts when the Ram did not like Patou being so close to his girls. It was interesting to watch Patou just side step out of his reach when the Ram would go after him. It was like watching some bull fight, where the bullfighter barely avoids the charge of the bull by just stepping out of the bulls way! It’s amazing how these dogs are so non-threatening even when they are being threatend by their own charges. True gentle Giants, that’s exactly what they are. I am hoping that we will have an amazing spring,  Patou and I, and I will have my camera ready for that. I want to capture every moment of Patou and his lambs and sheep. I want it burned into my memory so I can never forget it. OH, and don’t forget shearing day in the spring. I have a  professional shearer that comes once a year and he shears my whole flock.Patou is always there watching every move he makes to be sure that he handles the ewes with the utmost care. Actually my shearer reminds me of a Pyrenees. He’s big and  quiet, and moves among the sheep slowly and patiently and handles them with such care and such a light hand. He’s fast and efficient, all the while keeping those sheep between his legs while he works his electric shears.  I keep the wool and each fleece is placed in it’s own bag and then the spring washing of the wool begins. I LOVE wool washing days in the spring. When I have my fleeces all washed and layed out on their tables in the sun in front of my house, the cars slow and wonder just what the heck I am doing. The fleeces are then sent to Canada where they are made into beaufiful wool blankets. This year I might have to have some of Patou’s winter coat  mixed in with some of my wool to be made into something spectacular.  That is called Chiengora. The use of dog hair to make woolen items. Chien meaning dog in French. My dogs are not only my companions, but they are my work-mates as well.  Patou has protected me many times from the charge of my own Ram all the while keeping himself between him and me and stepping in to take the charges from the Ram himself. I always try to stay alert when I am in the presence of my Rams, but sometimes it’s just not always possible especially if I am trying to work with the baby lambs. I’m not sure another Pyr would do that for me. As I said, my Pyr Lucy protects the sheep and Patou protects me. I can’t hardly stand the thought of losing him. That will be the saddest day of my life.

janet and Patou

I will try to attach some shearing pics just to amuse you all!!!

patou and lambs

patou

Wow… 3 weeks post amputation and it seems like it was months ago. We are a week and a half post 1st chemo treatment. It all seems like a bad dream only the dream was weeks ago. It’s amazing the way these guys adjust so quickly. (better than us) Patou really didn’t have that bad a time post amputation, thank God, but I know it’s still early. I did notice today for the 1st time that his only back leg buckled once or twice today… like he/it was fatigued. Since our visit to the sheep which was more than likely overdoing it I have kept him quiet. He still seems to sleep ALOT, but that’s what Pyrs do during the day. Seems they like to sleep all day and bark all nite, but even Lucy (my other Pyr) has adjusted to Patou’s schedule of sleeping all day AND most of the nite. She still likes to be outside more and does most of the barking… always has. (like I said.. she is my true guardian) But on a more encouraging note, for the first time since the amputation I saw Patou do his backing up thing. It’s a weird thing the Pyrs do, and maybe it just might be any big dog, but if they get themselves into a tight spot… they just back up, like a horse or a big truck. Sometimes I think to myself while they are backing up if they are going to start beeping like the big trucks do when they are in reverse and backing up!!! LOL It’s kinda funny to watch, but with Patou only having one back leg.. that backing up trick is alot trickier. I think he’s got it down finally though today… it’s kind of a hopping backing up now. It’s still a bit tricky getting him to eat just his dry kibble. He likes a little bit of canned food in there to wet his whistle. (or maybe he’s just spoiled now) Hard to tell. We will get his 1st CBC post chemo next Tuesday. That will be interesting. I need to start getting some more pics of Patou. It IS a hard thing to think about from now on, all his pics will be without his other leg. He is still constantly by my side. My son will be heading back to college next week and it’s going to be even more quiet around here. I’ve been glad he’s here to help keep an eye on the dogs and Patou while I am away for long shifts at work. I am worried  about his next round of chemo and no one being here when I work to keep an eye on things. Dr. Newton was not real keen on having Patou in the outside weather post chemo. I will have to rig up a heat lamp in the barn for him if he feels he needs to use it. I’ve never once worried about my Pyrs being cold. They just don’t get cold. I never once worried about my sheep or Pyrs being cold. I do have a half bloodhound/beagle that I have worried about in the past but she is pretty self-sufficient. This year we have the lab pups and I will worry about them in the cold while I am away. They are 6 months old now. They are brothers, a chocolate lab named Zink, and a yellow one, mine, named Dudley.  Again, I suppose I need to get that heat lamp rigged up for not only Patou but the pups who would probably need it more than Patou. I remember the first time those pups saw Patou come home from the vet clinic after his amp. They were really frightened of him, but I think it was more the cone and not his leg. Poor little things ran behind my legs and just trembled. After the cone came off, everything got better!!! I had just read Misty and Bandit’s blog earlier this eve. and keep thinking about them. It’s just amazing how everyone has practically had the same feelings, same emotions, same reactions after our horrifiying discoveries for our very special pets. These truly are our journey’s, and all will have similarities, and differences with different outcomes, but it’s obvious that we all love our special pets the same way.

Janet and Patou

I’ve never blogged before, but then I’ve never had anything that I thought was as important as this to blog about. It’s a journey that many tripawd owners have had to endure. It’s not an easy journey, but a necessary one. Since coming onto the tripawd site and having seen and heard many familiar stories, I’ve learned some lessons, important lessons. I’ve learned that no matter whether in the human world or dog world or that world that entangles both so intriquitely and permanently, that love really does conquer all. Life is precious and fleeting but doesn’t have to be the end. Life continues on no matter in what form it exists. There is something that transends all time, all of eternity, and all of humanity, and I think it’s why we are here and why we share our stories.